Questions & Answers - My Experience Of Learning the True Gospel

As humans, we naturally seek answers when we have questions. Through my own process of seeking answers to the questions I had regarding the Laestadian Lutheran Church (LLC) doctrine and reading the Bible, I removed the small lens through which I had been viewing the world. It was as though a veil lifted and the world around me no longer looked the same and neither did my religious beliefs. I knew deep in my soul that there was no going back to my old ways of thinking. My life was forever changed. As my sister once said, “once you see, you can't unsee” and I could finally see what the quiet voice in my soul had been trying to tell me all along.

In Feburary of 2022, I began seeking answers to the questions I had about the LLC doctrine, which I had attempted to bury in my mind in previous years. I would get my doubts "taken care of" (those came from the devil) and I would soldier on. I was convinced I was not a child of God because I was constantly drawn toward living a "worldly" lifestyle and the people outside of the LLC. I knew if I acknowledged the questions I had and tried to find answers, my entire world could change; which is exactly what happened when I finally threw my hands in the air in defeat and gave my life to God, asking Him to show me the truth. I was led to start reading the Bible “with my own mind," without any preconceived ideas which eventually led to a massive change of heart and mind. I hadn't known God for a lot of my life, doubting His existence and eventually dabbling in New Age practices that drew me away from Him. I didn't know He could change me and my heart the way that He has and I thank Him everyday for that miracle because it was truly a miracle. I went from having a hardened heart, living with overwhelming depression, stuck in a trauma-state to complete and total peace with a deep and profound love for Jesus Christ. I didn't know the love of God until then because the God I believed in was watching my every move, looking for any slip-ups and I knew there was no way I would ever measure up. What I learned was that God is actually a loving and forgiving God and wants us all to come home.

Below, I would like to share my experienence of delving into research and asking God to show me the truth. I will include what I learned from the Bible that changed my heart, along with a couple parts of my journal entries from those months to share my raw and vulnerable thoughts of how that experience was for me. Keep in mind, I had never read the Bible, except random verses in Bible class, at Confirmation Camp, and at Sunday School. I heard God's word preached from the pulpit every Sunday but there was a LOT I didn't know, even some basic foundational teachings found in Christian doctrine.

As I began researching, I dove deep into blogs written by others who had left the church as well as learning all I could about the history of my religion. I had attempted to leave the LLC a couple times, once in 10th grade and again in 2020 but I hadn’t succeeded, due to fear. At that point, I only wanted the freedom of being able to live a “worldly” lifestyle, such as listening to music and watching movies, without having to worry that I was sinning. I didn’t begin to have any serious problems with the church doctrine until 2020 but I also didn't think too deeply about it. After my attempt to leave the LLC that year, I “repented,” which basically means to hear and believe “the gospel” and return to church. The same term is used when one joins or is converted into the church from the world. To the LLC, the gospel is the phrase, “You can believe all of your sins forgiven in Jesus name and precious blood.” Hearing and believing this phrase is what forgives your sins and makes you heaven acceptable.

Upon returning to church, I found that I was unable to completely return to my old ways of thinking and believing because of what I had experienced while I was in the world. I spent a lot of time with someone I had met at work and grown close to and I couldn’t imagine them going to hell simply because they didn’t believe identically to me. They had such a sweet and pure soul and seemed to be seeking God. Why would they go to hell solely because they didn’t attend the same church as me? I think that is when the questions grew more prominent and I could no longer ignore them. I was uneasy, like my soul couldn’t be at peace at church, but I pushed onward and still attended for the community.

After 1.5 years of running away from my inner-reality, I decided to face the truth. I didn’t know if I actually believed what the LLC taught and I needed real answers because “simply believing” wasn’t enough for me anymore. I surrendered everything to God and asked Him to show me the truth, His truth, the truth. I knew I was at risk of losing everything but I also craved to know and have a relationship with my Savior. When I had tried to express my questions to other members of the LLC, I was met with answers like, “I don’t know but God knows best and we just need to simply believe.” That was not a valid answer to me and I needed a solid biblical foundation for what I was being taught and my own beliefs. Some of the questions I had were: Why are other Christians going to hell, even if they believe what is taught in the Bible and are good people? Why are we the only church that is going to heaven? Why is listening to music, watching movies and TV, and dancing sin if those things aren't mentioned in the Bible? And how do I know my sins are really forgiven? I knew God would give me the answers I was seeking and it could potentially be overwhelming because it could turn everything I had “known” on its head, but I was ready. I couldn’t go on feeling empty and disconnected from God anymore. 

May 9, 2022

“I gave my heart to God and He gave me peace. Today was incredible and beautiful and I could feel God’s presence all around me. I don’t know what changed in my heart but suddenly I am full of so much love for God and I literally want to praise Him. My heart has never felt this way in my life. The PEACE. The joy. The light. The love for others. And I am so inspired to read the Bible!! Who am I?? This is beautiful. This is a God story. And there are many more to come.

I prayed to God, asking Him where I should read from the Bible and this is where He led me:

“Every valley shall be filled, and every mountain and hill shall be brought low; and the crooked shall be made straight, and the rough ways will be made smooth.” Luke 3:5 

I had been praying for comfort and this was where he led me. He is with me. He is working miracles in my life. All of the heartache and pain that I endured will be made whole again. He is rebuilding my life all for His good and His glory.”

Here are the Bible verses I wrote down in my journal because they altered my beliefs about God, Jesus Christ, and salvation.

“Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” 

John 14:6

In the LLC, I was taught that we are saved by receiving “the gospel” from a member of the church but in this verse, Jesus says otherwise. Thomas is asking Jesus how they will know the way to the Father, to God’s kingdom, and Jesus says He is the way. Believing in him is the only way to salvation. 

“The Lord shall judge the people: judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness, and according to mine integrity that is in me.” 

Psalms 7:8

David is asking the Lord to judge him according to the desires of his heart, outward actions, and his thoughts which were focused on serving God. This reminded me of how we can so easily judge others based on outward appearance but God’s word says we can only judge righteously by the fruits of the Spirit, the state of our heart. He does not judge by appearance (having pierced ears, tattoos, or wearing makeup) and neither should we.

“And he said, Take heed that ye be not deceived: for many shall come in my name saying, I am Christ: and the time draweth near: go ye not therefore after them.”

Luke 21:8

Of course, we should be wary of following those who claim to be Jesus Christ and I also believe this can be applied to churches that claim to be the one, true church. For example those who make such claims as, “We are the chosen ones, we are God’s kingdom, only we have the Holy Spirit, and all other churches have dead faiths.” One way we can avoid being deceived is following the true Christ and receiving the Holy Spirit, which blesses us with the gift of discernment and helps us to identify false teachings and false prophets. 

“There is a way which seemeth right unto man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” 

Proverbs 14:12

May 12, 2022

“The thought of leaving the church for good is both daunting and exhilarating. My whole life, since I was a little girl, I have had questions about the church and something in me has felt off, almost spiritually dead, being there. I noticed it far more after I was “in the world” for a year or so. It hasn’t felt the same since. Every time I have prayed to God, asking Him whether the LLC is true or not, I have heard, “They are following man,” whether it is literally - from another Christian or just something I feel/hear intuitively. And now I can see so many ways in which that is true.”

“ 10 For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ. 11 But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. 12 For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 

Galatians 1:10-12 

Paul is writing to the Christians in Galatia who had been tempted to follow a group known as the Judaizers. They were teaching that you needed to do more works than believing in Jesus in order to be saved but Paul is sharing the true gospel with them and explaining that he received it from Jesus Christ. I think of how we can easily follow the teachings of man but if they are any different than the gospel Jesus preached, we are following a false doctrine. Paul is not writing to tell them what they want to hear, but what they need to hear, because he is on a mission to serve God, rather than men. 

“ 9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. 10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation,”

Romans 10:9-10

We are not saved by receiving a blessing or hearing a specific phrase and believing it. The Bible explains the true gospel in many different places and many different ways. I know I have said it countless times now but we are saved by believing in Jesus Christ and the work He did for us on the cross, being born again, and living according to God’s will. 

“ 12 For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him.” 13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

Romans 10:12-13

It is not one specific church that will be saved but all who call upon the name of the Lord. Paul explains that there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek, just as there is no difference between us. They could be from many different churches, so long as they believe the gospel that is taught in the Bible.  

“ 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.” 

Ephesians 2:8-9

We are not saved by living a specific lifestyle and by a certain set of standards, aside from the Ten Commandments, because there is nothing we can do of our own power to make ourselves more heaven acceptable. It is not by our own works but by the great work of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice of dying on the cross that we are saved.

I understand those who are still in the church will not agree with my perspective or beliefs about these Bible verses and that is okay. I am simply sharing what I have learned from the Bible, which is God’s word. We can interpret it how we may but I think it is important to measure our beliefs against scripture. Others, including church leaders, saying a specific way of thinking or believing is true does not make it true. I wanted to know for myself if what I was believing was correct (the truth of the Bible) because something wasn’t sitting right in my soul. So, I went to the source and prayed to God and thosee are the answers I received. I was also led to other Christians who shared these same beliefs with me. I never experienced deep spiritual peace in my soul until this moment.

May 24, 2022

“I am having a difficult time putting my thoughts into words. I am both afraid and also trust God that this life change is His will. I both love the peace I wake up with and go to sleep with and am scared of what this means for my life going forward, because I felt this peace for the first time when I accepted and believed in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior; but this way of thinking is different than all of my family and friends from the LLC. I am both ecstatic to finally have true freedom in my heart, soul, and mind but worried about how this will affect my friendships. 

I have felt the warmth of the love of God and experienced a massive change in heart and I know it is all God’s doing. I never imagined my life and heart would change to this extent. I feel grief over the loss of community because it provided me so much comfort over the past year and a half. But I am looking through rose-colored glasses. I only felt I belonged a time or two in the haps (youth-gathering) scene. I always felt different than everyone else but I didn’t know why that was. 

I have been caught in a war between God and Satan. God and His word tell me that I have nothing to fear, He will never leave me, and He will protect me from the ways of the enemy. He loves me and I am His child now. But then Satan starts planting seeds of doubt and fear in my mind. Did God really say that? How do you know that it’s actually God and not something else trying to confuse you? Are you sure leaving the church is the right decision? How do you know you’re actually on the right path? And the answer to all of that is God and the true peace I feel for the first time in my entire life. So, the difference between God’s voice and the voice of Satan is that God’s voice comes with peace, comfort, and joy and the voice of Satan comes with fear, anxiety, and everything but peace. Satan thought he was good to go, he practically had me my whole life but then Jesus saved me. God knew my heart. All glory goes to God!

This path goes against everything I have known. It’s narrow and windy and steep but it was never meant to be easy.”

I hope these words reach those who need them. This is the most raw and vulnerable I have been on here and I will not deny that it is intimidating but if I can help even one person feel less alone, I have done what I came here to do.