Love Is Patient, Love Is Kind - 5 Characteristics Of Love

The Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" was introduced by Jesus many centuries ago. He led by example through encouraging the weak and lowly, showing grace and compassion to everyone around him, and serving those in need. In addition, He taught us the two greatest commandments: love God with all of your heart, soul, strength, and mind and love your neighbor as yourself. As humans, we are fallible creatures and often fall short in both categories, distancing ourselves from God and causing offense, hurt, and pain to those we love. How can we love like Jesus and how are we taught to treat those who have different beliefs than we do?

Here, I will share what the Bible teaches us about love and how we can apply it to our daily lives.

My heart aches at the loss of my old community. It was beautiful. Even though I have been gone for 2 years now, thoughts and memories of what I lost still come in waves. I fondly look back on church camps, the big Summer Services event that is held every summer, youth gatherings, and even Sunday church. There was always someone to talk to, a new friend to be made, or close friends to catch up with and I loved it because people are my happy place. They fill my heart with joy - I love making people laugh and I believe there is something to be gained from everyone I meet.

I didn't always feel this way, though. I used to be an awkward kid and was picked on by cousins, friends, and other kids from church. I was weak and insecure and often felt like I was weird or strange somehow. I was intrigued by the outside world and the people in it because they weren't like the church members I was around in my day-to-day life. I secretly wanted to be like the other girls at school who were allowed to paint their nails and wear earrings but I knew it wouldn't happen while I was going to church, so I accepted my reality and moved on. Maybe that is how I was different - my friends and family were content in the LLC, while I was often dreaming of the freedom to do as I pleased. Not that I wanted to do anything outrageously wild or rebellious, but the things that were now allowed, such as secular music, movies, and makeup/earrings. I think because I knew I was not like everyone else at church, I longed to be like the girls at school so I could fit in somewhere.

The problem was, I never truly felt like I fit in anywhere, except maybe with my closest childhood friends. In High School/Community College, I started to dabble in the more "worldly" things that I had dreamt of being able to do freely as a child and I made more friends at school but there was still a glass wall between me and them. I wasn't one of them but I wasn't completely in the church either. All 26 years of my life in the church were like this, with a few close friends, until I eventually left the LLC for good. Even though I had never had a consistent friend group, I usually had a variety of people I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with and talking to, so when I suddenly lost my community, it was a shock to my nervous system.

Upon leaving, I maintained a few of my treasured friendships and quickly made new friends out in "the world," which helped to lessen the impact of the massive loss I had just experienced. I think most who have left would agree that there is a hole in your chest after leaving and it can be challenging to know how to fill it. Not a spiritual hole but a hole that was filled with the only community we had ever been a part of and known. I was very grateful for the friends I quickly made because I knew I was starting from scratch and it made my transition easier. The reason I am sharing all of this is I want you to understand my background and perspective. How difficult it has been for me to find a place where I belong. Where I am loved and accepted as me, despite different religious beliefs and lifestyle differences.

Most members of the LLC have been kind to me since leaving and I have been blessed in terms of the social repurcussions that can happen. Other ex-members have not been so lucky and have faced harsh comments, judgement, friends not wanting to spend time with them, and being treated as an outcast. I can sympathize with those who partake in this harmful behavior because I know members are taught to distance themselves from those who leave because it can be a hindrance or danger to their faith. But no matter what way we spin it, this is not "love." If we want people to come back to church, we should treat them with patience, grace, and kindness not judgement and exclusion. How should we treat those who leave the church or who hold different beliefs than us? What is love?

I think it is a good reminder for all of us to turn to the example that Jesus set for us while He was on the earth. How did He treat others? What would His approach be in these situations? These thoughts were swirling through my mind this week so I dove into the Bible to see what Jesus' example and instructions are on love and especially loving others. Here is what I learned:

1. Love Is Patient, Love Is Kind

   
   

   Let's start out by defining love, according to God's word. The most detailed description of the characteristics of love is in 1 Corinthians 13. I use the King James Version of the Bible, which refers to love as charity.

   
   

   " 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in inquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

   1 Corinthians 13:4-7

   
   

   In simple terms, love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude. Love is not selfish, love is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice in doing wrong but rejoices in doing right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. These are all of the characteristics that Jesus displayed and this is what we should strive to be. The two that stand out most to me from this whole list are patience and kindness. Regardless of what someone believes or how they choose to live their life, they still deserve to be treated with patience, grace, kindness, and compassion. How is it kind to not associate with friends who now believe different than us? To distance ourself from someone and view them as a threat because they don't have the same perspective as us anymore? Jesus loved everyone and didn't exclude even the weakest and most lowly of sinners, no matter where they came from or the sins they had committed. He had grace and mercy on those who sought forgiveness, even when the religious leaders of the time said they deserved to be stoned for their sins. We, too, can show others grace, even if we don't agree with their choices. Jesus was and is a loving and gracious God and we should do our best to follow His example in the way we treat others, inviting them to eat with us at our table, even when they are not walking the same path.

   
   

2. Love Is For All

   
   

   The way I was raised, we were taught to not spend too much time with people that didn't attend our church. Some families were more lenient on this but generally, we wouldn't get too close to school friends, co-workers, or other "worldly" people. This included family members or friends that decided to leave the LLC. We wouldn't greet them with "God's Peace" anymore and the clear spiritual differences sometimes caused awkward interactions. These people were viewed as a danger to our faith and we risked losing our faith altogether if we got too close because they might pull us down the same path of darkness. Away from God's kingdom. What is interesting to me, now that I have read the Bible, is that Jesus ate dinner with and served those who were deemed unacceptable by high priests and other religious leaders. At that time, sinners and tax collectors were the lowest on the totem pole of society and if you were caught associating with them, it was basically an abomination. And in order to receive forgiveness, a person needed to repent of their sins and make changes to live more righteously but Jesus went against the narrative. He offered them grace and acceptance before they went through all of the required steps, simply because they believed in Him.

   
   

   The scribes and Pharisees were upset and Jesus patiently explained to them that He was not there for the righteous, but the sinners, because those were the ones who actually needed Him.

   
   

   " 16 And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples, How is it that he eateth and drinketh with publicans and sinnners? 17 When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

   Mark 2:15

   
   

   We should take the same approach when interacting with people who don't share our same beliefs. Of course, if you are Christian, you should not be unequally yoked but if we completely separate ourselves from the world, how will anyone hear the gospel? We are called to share the gospel and extend grace and forgiveness to all those who ask of it. How will those who are seeking or wanting to return to Jesus find their way if they have been excluded and judged? I don't say this with disrespect but genuine concern. Jesus made a point to seek out the lost, as should we.

   
   

3. Love Is A Gift To Those In Need

   
   

   When we are in the midst of a challenging situation in life, whether it is trying to make ends meet, the death of a loved one, an illlness, mental health struggles, or leaving a community, we need support. It is common to lean on God and those close to us because without the extra love and support, how would we survive emotionally? We are called to serve those in need, whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically. Caring for others is a form of love and lightens the weight of the pain they are experiencing, while providing some sense of comfort an hope. This is also another way to fulfill the law of Christ, which is to love God and love your neighbors.

   " 13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. 14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

   Galatians 5:13-14.

   
   

   Loving one another fulfills the law of Christ. When we die, only two things will matter, how well we loved God and how well we loved others. Following the ten commandment is also necessary but all ten are directly related to loving God or loving our neighbors. Excluding those who believe differently, judging the decisions of others in a harsh manner, shaming those who leave or who choose a different path, and gossiping about an individual's new lifestyle are not acts of love. What are ways to show love to "unbelievers"? Love is extending grace and forgiveness and sharing the gospel (the good news that Jesus has died for our sins). Love is being warm and welcoming to everyone. Love is serving those in need, no matter their circumstances.

   God is love and if we say we believe in Him, then we must also love.

   
   

   " 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."

   1 John 4:7-8

   
   

4. Love Is Not Bound By Religion

   
   

   The story of The Good Samaritan is a great example of love. For those that don't know it, in Luke 10, Jesus is challenged by a lawyer who asks Him, "Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?" Luke 10:25 Jesus asks him what the law says and the lawyer responds, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself." Luke 10:27 Jesus tells him, "Thou hast answered right: this do and thou shalt live." Luke 10:28 This response was not good enough for the lawyer and still trying to justify himself, he asks Jesus who is considered his neighbor. So, He shares this story:

   
   

   A man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho and found himself among thieves, who stole his clothes and wounded him, leaving him half dead. A certain priest came that way and passed by on the other side of the road. Then, a Levite approached and saw him and also passed by on the other side of the road. Finally. a Samaritan who was journeying by saw the man and had compassion on him. He went to the man, bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day, when he went to depart, he paid the host of the inn to take care of the man and if the innkeeper needed more money, he would return and repay the debt.

   This is a powerful example of loving our neighbor and portrays how religious individuals can be spiritually cold and apathetic toward those in need. The man was dirty and wounded, why should they who are pure and clean help him? But Jesus teaches a good lesson to the lawyer and explains that this is how we should treat everyone - with mercy and compassion.

   
   

5. Love Is Light

   
   

   We are called to shine our light in the world, through loving others and living like Jesus Christ. This is what draws people to God, His love, mercy, and grace for those in need of a source of hope. If we are cold and distant with "unbelievers," they will not feel welcome to join our community and will instead pull further away from us; but if we are a bright light, warm and inviting to those who are out in the cold, they will naturally be drawn closer to the love of Christ. We are meant to be set apart from the world, to stand out and be different but not to draw lines between "us" and "them." God loves everyone, as should we.

   
   

   "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."

   Matthew 5:16

   
   

   To shine your light means to do as Jesus did and give the gift of love to the world. To God and everyone around you, not only those who believe the same as you. Let us live as Jesus and follow The Golden Rule - do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Think of how your actions affect those around you, try to treat others with kindness, and do good to all people. This is not only how we should behave as Christians but also in general, as fellow humans.

   We all need and deserve love because without love, we have nothing.