I left the LLC, in July of 2020. It was not an easy decision, yet it will forever be the best decision I have made for myself, and made for my family. I first started questioning the LLC when I was pretty young. I was maybe 12 years old, and my sister left. I remember not being able to possibly fathom the fact that all of a sudden she was hell bound, and honestly the thought of that scared me, bad. Of course i was too young to have conversations and I shoved it down. Come my teenage years when I was 16, I attempted to leave church. It honestly made my life miserable. most of my church friends dropped me, i was gossipped about endlessly, and it was rough for me at home. every night before bed i was told there was prayers for me to not be able to sleep, because of the "condition" i was in. I would come home to my room dug through, and any makeup or earrings I had, destroyed and laid out for me. These are just a few instances, eventually the message was loud and clear- it would be easier to shove down my beliefs, and "repent". Fast forward to around 2018. It wasnt long after i had my first child, and my beliefs slowly started creeping back up. i tried shoving my thoughts and questions to the back of my mind and ignoring them, but each time they’d come back louder. I felt like leaving wasn’t even an option for me. Those repressed thoughts, eventually manifested into extreme panic attacks, extreme health anxiety, orthorexia, and I became very controlling in every other aspect of my life, as I felt like I didn’t have any control over how I wanted to live my life and how I believed. Those were a ROUGH few years. Once I made the decision to leave, I knew what to expect. There were phone calls, tears, and misconstrued bible verses thrown my way. I distinctly remember Matthew 18:6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones- those who believe in me- to stumble it would be better for them to have a large millstone wrapped around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” That specific verse was mentioned to me on multiple occasions about letting my kids wear nailpolish or do any “worldly” things. It was harsh. It cut deep. But I’ve also studied my Bible and I know that is not the true meaning behind that verse. Navigating the world outside of the LLC at first is hard. It will most likely come with some sort of shunning, spiritual and verbal abuse, loss of some life long relationships a whole lot of unfamiliarity and a spectrum of emotions. In a lot of cases, the spiritual and verbal abuse can go on for years. On the flip side, it will come with a whole lot of joy, freedom, authenticity, excitement, health, and a whole new world to discover in a new light. My thoughts and advice to people who are questioning or leaving: it’s OKAY to have doubts! It’s HEALTHY to ask questions. Your answers lie in the Bible, not what the LLC has to say. No organization or ministers beliefs over rule what the Bible says, as God’s word is the Truth. Searching for answers in the Bible IS NOT a slippery slope, and the devils way to deceive you I can assure you, is not through reading Gods Word. Question. Research. Listen to what your mind and body are telling you. A whole new life can await you and I promise it’s a good one. It will be the best decision you could ever make. Nothing feels better- nothing-Than freedom.

Thank you Rieka for creating this space, sharing your story, and letting others share theirs. Our stories are often left untold, and it’s good for people who are still in the LLC to be aware of the journeys of those who left and what we’ve endured, yet also being a place to offer comfort and community for those who may be questioning or on their own journey of leaving.